Small Steps That Help Reduce Anxiety and Avoidance
That Thing You Keep Putting Off
It’s not the big, life-changing project. It’s the email sitting in your drafts. The phone call you know you need to make. The pile of letters on the side table that you walk past ten times a day.
On the surface, it seems simple. Just do it. But your mind throws up a wall. A physical tension builds in your chest, your stomach clenches, and a dozen other ‘more important’ things suddenly need doing right now. So you put it off for another hour, another day. And the relief is immediate.
But the task doesn’t go away. It just sits there, quietly gathering weight. This is the exhausting reality of avoidance. It’s a pattern I see so often in my work with clients across Surrey. You’re not lazy or disorganised; you’re stuck in a protective loop.
The Short-Term Fix of Avoidance
Avoidance makes perfect sense in the moment. It’s your brain’s attempt to protect you from discomfort, stress, or the fear of failure. As we explore in therapy, there is a reason why avoidance feels safe but keeps you stuck.
By sidestepping the anxiety-inducing task, you get an instant hit of relief. The problem is, this relief is temporary. The more you avoid something, the more threatening it becomes in your mind. The task morphs from a simple action into a huge, complicated monster that feels impossible to tackle.
This cycle is draining. It’s why you might find that you feel drained even after resting. Your energy isn’t just being spent on what you do, but on the constant mental effort of what you’re trying *not* to do.
Breaking Down the Wall, Brick by Brick
So, what’s the alternative? It’s not about finding a sudden surge of bravery to knock the wall down in one go. That’s overwhelming. The answer lies in a core principle of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): breaking the problem down into manageable pieces.
The goal is to make the first step so small it feels almost ridiculous not to do it. This approach lowers the mental barrier and bypasses the anxiety response. Instead of seeing a mountain, you just focus on the first tiny pebble.
What This Looks Like in Practice
Let’s apply this. Think about that task you’re avoiding right now.
- The Unopened Bill: Don’t think “I need to sort out that bill.” That’s too big. The first step is just “I will place the letter next to the kettle.” The next might be “I will pick it up while the kettle boils.” And later, “I will open the envelope.” Each action is separate and small.
- The Difficult Phone Call: The goal isn’t “make the call.” It’s “find the phone number and write it on a post-it note.” Step two: “Jot down one bullet point of what I need to say.” This lowers the stakes, especially if you have the quiet fear of getting it wrong.
- The Cluttered Room: Don’t plan to “tidy the whole room.” Decide to “put three things away.” Just three. Often, once you start, the momentum makes it easier to do a fourth, and then a fifth. But if you only do three, that’s a success.
These small successes create a new feedback loop. Instead of “I avoided it and felt relief,” it becomes “I did a tiny thing and it was okay.” This is one of the most effective CBT techniques for anxiety because it rebuilds confidence through action, not just thought.
When You Need Support to Get Started
Thinking about these steps is one thing. Putting them into action when everything feels too much right now is another. This is where counselling for anxiety can provide crucial support.
Working with a therapist isn
