The Avoidance Trap: Why Putting Things Off Makes Anxiety Worse

Why Putting Things Off Feels Good at First

The email can wait until tomorrow.

The phone call can wait until next week.

The difficult conversation can wait until you're feeling more confident.

At least that's what you tell yourself.

And for a few moments, it works.

The anxiety eases.

The pressure lifts.

You feel relieved.

What many people don't realise is that this relief is exactly what keeps the avoidance cycle going.

In our work with clients across Surrey, avoidance is one of the most common patterns we see in people struggling with anxiety, stress, low confidence, and overwhelm.

It rarely starts as a major problem.

Usually it begins with one thing that feels uncomfortable.

Then another.

Then another.

Before long, anxiety starts influencing more and more decisions.

The Hidden Deal Your Brain Is Making

Your brain is designed to protect you.

When something feels threatening, uncomfortable, or emotionally risky, it looks for ways to reduce that discomfort.

Avoidance provides a quick solution.

You avoid the task.

The anxiety reduces.

Your brain records the outcome.

It learns:

"Avoiding this helped me feel better."

The next time something similar appears, avoidance becomes even more tempting.

The problem is that the original issue has not disappeared.

It remains unresolved.

In fact, it often grows larger in your mind.

Many people find themselves constantly thinking about the thing they are avoiding.

It occupies mental space throughout the day.

It contributes to the feeling of being mentally exhausted even when very little has actually happened.

When Anxiety Starts Running Your Life

Over time, avoidance can begin to affect much more than a single task.

Someone who avoids making one phone call may eventually start avoiding several.

Someone who feels anxious in social situations may begin turning down invitations.

Someone who fears criticism may stop applying for opportunities altogether.

The world gradually becomes smaller.

Not because opportunities disappear.

Because anxiety starts deciding which opportunities feel safe enough to pursue.

This is one of the reasons people often seek support through online counselling or face-to-face therapy.

They recognise that their life is becoming organised around avoiding discomfort rather than moving towards what matters.

How CBT Helps Break the Pattern

One of the strengths of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is that it helps people understand the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.

Rather than simply focusing on symptoms, CBT helps identify what is maintaining the anxiety.

In many cases, avoidance is a major part of the cycle.

During therapy we often explore questions such as:

• What exactly are you afraid might happen?
• How likely is that outcome?
• What evidence supports that belief?
• What evidence challenges it?
• How has avoidance affected your confidence?

Through approaches such as online CBT, clients begin recognising patterns that may have been operating for years.

Once those patterns become visible, they become much easier to change.

Small Steps Create Big Changes

Many people assume they need to feel confident before taking action.

In reality, confidence often develops after taking action.

One of the most effective ways to reduce avoidance is to break challenges into much smaller steps.

Instead of:

"I need to sort out my finances."

The first step becomes:

"I will open my banking app."

Instead of:

"I need to write the report."

The first step becomes:

"I will open a blank document."

Small actions teach your brain a different lesson.

They show that discomfort can be tolerated.

They show that anxiety does not have to control behaviour.

Most importantly, they begin rebuilding trust in yourself.

When Avoidance Is Linked to Something Deeper

Avoidance is not always simply about anxiety.

Sometimes it develops alongside depression, grief, burnout, low self-esteem, or emotional exhaustion.

For some people, avoiding tasks is actually a way of avoiding difficult emotions.

The task itself may not be the problem.

The feelings connected to it are.

This is why therapy is often about more than just improving productivity.

It is about understanding what is happening underneath the behaviour.

Whether someone is seeking support for anxiety, stress, low mood, or bereavement, the goal remains the same.

To help them feel less trapped by fear and more able to engage with life again.

Taking the First Step

Many people spend months or even years waiting until they feel ready.

Ready to make the call.

Ready to have the conversation.

Ready to seek support.

The reality is that readiness often comes after the first step, not before it.

If you are struggling with this, we offer face-to-face and online counselling sessions.

Sessions are booked on a session-by-session basis, with no obligation to continue.

Our fee is £68 for a full hour individual session.

You can view our therapists, check availability, and book a session directly through our website.

Breaking the avoidance cycle rarely happens all at once.

It usually starts with one small decision to face something you have been putting off.

Written by Sian Jones, Founder of CBT & Counselling Surrey. Sian has extensive experience helping individuals manage anxiety, stress, low mood, and other emotional challenges.