The Problem of Uncertainty and Anxiety (and How CBT Can Help)

Uncertainty is a normal part of life, but for some people it feels almost unbearable. When you do not know what will happen, your mind may race, your body feels tense, and you might find yourself worrying, checking, researching or replaying situations over and over again.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many people who struggle with anxiety also find it very hard to tolerate uncertainty. The good news is that CBT can help you understand what is happening and learn new ways of responding that feel calmer and more manageable.

Why uncertainty can feel so distressing

When you believe that you cannot cope with not knowing, uncertainty starts to feel like a threat in itself. This often leads to habits such as:

• procrastinating because you are afraid of making the wrong choice
• avoiding situations that might feel uncomfortable
• seeking repeated reassurance from others
• checking things over and over again
• Googling symptoms or worst case scenarios

These habits are understandable. They are your mind’s way of trying to feel safe. The problem is that they only reduce anxiety for a short time. In the long term, they tend to keep the worry going.

Controlling uncertainty rarely works in the way we hope

Many anxious behaviours are really attempts to control the unknown. For example:

• someone with OCD might wash their hands repeatedly to try to remove any doubt about germs
• someone with health anxiety might keep checking their body or booking medical appointments to feel sure nothing is wrong
• someone who worries about relationships might frequently seek reassurance that everything is ok

These behaviours often bring brief relief, then the doubt returns, sometimes even stronger than before. Over time, this can make your world feel smaller and your anxiety more powerful.

Rumination – getting stuck in loops of worry

Rumination means going over the same thoughts again and again, often in a negative or fearful way. It can sound like:

• “What if something bad happens?”
• “Why did I say that?”
• “What if I made the wrong decision?”

Rumination can give the impression that you are solving a problem, but most of the time it simply wears you down. It keeps your mind focused on threat, which increases anxiety and makes it harder to think clearly.

One helpful shift is learning to see worries as thoughts rather than facts. Thoughts are not dangerous in themselves and they do not need to be fought with. The more you try to block or argue with them, the more powerful they can feel.

Unhelpful thinking patterns that feed anxiety

CBT calls these patterns “cognitive distortions”. They are common and human, but they can seriously increase anxiety when they go unchallenged.

Black and white thinking

This is when things feel all good or all bad, with nothing in between. For example, “If I am not perfect, I am a failure.” In reality, most situations sit somewhere in the middle, but anxiety pushes you towards the extremes.

Catastrophising

Catastrophising means jumping straight to the worst case scenario. A small concern quickly becomes a disaster in your mind. For example:

• “I have a pain in my chest, it must be something serious.”
• “My partner is late, they must have had an accident.”

This style of thinking can make everyday life feel frightening, even when there is no evidence of real danger.

“Should” and “must” thinking

Demands like “I should not worry” or “I must always cope” put a lot of pressure on you. They do not change what you feel, but they often add guilt and frustration on top of anxiety.

It can be more helpful to soften these thoughts into preferences, for example, “I would prefer to worry less, but I know I can cope with these feelings.”

Emotional reasoning

Emotional reasoning happens when you treat your feelings as facts. For example, “I feel scared, so this must be dangerous,” or “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.”

Feelings are important signals, but they are not always accurate reflections of reality. Learning to separate feelings from facts is an important part of managing anxiety.

How CBT can help with uncertainty and anxiety

CBT helps you notice and understand the patterns that keep anxiety going, then gently change the way you respond. This often includes:

• identifying unhelpful thought patterns
• learning to question and reframe anxious thoughts
• reducing checking, reassurance seeking and avoidance
• practising new responses to uncertainty
• developing more balanced and compassionate self talk

Cognitive restructuring is one of the tools used in CBT. Instead of automatically believing thoughts like “I cannot cope if I do not know,” you learn to replace them with more realistic alternatives, such as “I do not like uncertainty, but I can tolerate it and still live my life.”

The role of mindfulness and self compassion

Mindfulness can be helpful in learning to observe your thoughts and feelings without getting pulled into them. It is about noticing what is happening in the present moment, rather than predicting the future or replaying the past.

Self compassion is also important. Criticising yourself for feeling anxious usually makes things worse. Talking to yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend can reduce shame and increase your ability to cope.

When to consider CBT for uncertainty and anxiety

You might find CBT helpful if you:

• feel driven to seek reassurance or check things repeatedly
• avoid situations because of what might happen
• spend a lot of time worrying or overthinking
• notice that uncertainty quickly leads to panic
• feel exhausted by constant “what if” thoughts

These are common experiences, and with the right support, they can improve.

CBT in Surrey – support at your pace

At CBT & Counselling Surrey, we offer CBT, counselling and EMDR for anxiety, worry and related problems. Sessions are:

• £68 per session for a full one hour appointment
• available online via Zoom
• available face to face across several locations in Surrey

You can read more about our therapists here:
👉 https://cbtandcounsellingsurrey.co.uk/therapists-surrey-counsellors-in-surrey/

If you would like support with uncertainty and anxiety, you can book an appointment at a time that suits you:

Book an appointment:
👉 https://cbtandcounsellingsurrey.co.uk/book-appointment-now/